Change Starts With Me
by soniccyanide
Summary: A few days after the war, the Malfoys seem to be taking things hard, especially with the effect it has left on Draco. What will he do in order to move on from the aftermath?


Change Starts With Me

It was the middle of a clear night in a room where the silver moonlight shining throughout the London sky matched the tearing eyes of a remorseful boy. His head leaned against his bedroom window while quite sobs constricted his throat, thus, preventing any sound from escaping at all.

He had no idea as to why he ended up in this position, regretting and wishing he could have done something better. In the end, he stands here, contemplating an escape from this wretched mansion or putting an end to his own life.

Where DID he go wrong?

Could it have been his failed task to annihilate Dumbledore, or could it have been the fact that he's walked the halls of Hogwarts which such pride, pestering his fellow classmates with his two lousy sidekicks year by year? Didn't they have a mind of their own? They weren't even his friends. They just looked up to him and followed anything he said, his commands, his wishes. He used this to his advantage which made it seem like he was superior, eventually leading him into a short relationship with Pansy Parkinson. Prince and Princess of Slytherin for those years.

He paid no real attention to things such as love since he's never really been shown the proper kind, once again, leading him to successfully take advantage of her. He wondered what could have happened if he never ended up with such a personality. When he thought about it, Dumbledore was probably the only one who has ever seen Draco for who he really is. He is NOT a killer and neither a horrible person. He hesitated, too afraid to finish the Dark Lord's order._ "Draco, you are not a killer"_, the last words Dumbledore directed towards him replayed in his mind, making him question what really defined Draco. He was aware of his many faults, his fascination with the Dark Arts, the boy he has grown up to be and know that he's gone through such an experience, he just wanted a normal life after Hogwarts. A life better than the one he's gone through ever since his first steps into the school. His first steps into a life-changing chaotic experience.

Maybe it was the way he would glorify his father to his fellow classmates, or the way he would — wait. Something was off about that last though. "Glorify"? Glorify who? The heartless soul that would eventually brainwash his own flesh and blood to see things the other way around? The nuisance that would bring harsh influence to an innocent child? The one who would end up in Azkaban for his own wrongdoings leading Draco to become a bloody Death Eater?

He rolled up the white sleeve from his left arm, revealing a damned memory which he just noticed would be forever imprinted on his skin. The burning pain he felt whenever Voldemort would call did not compare to that of his two-year experience. THAT felt like forever. _Seventeen years of a wasted life_, he thought. _Might as well hex my own brain out. Better off dead than suffering..._ He couldn't bring himself out of his own room anymore, what with his mother moping around the house and his father with his infectious aura of despair spreading throughout the room. Draco took a deep breath and tried to clear his thoughts. Enough was enough, and it's been days since he's really done anything to help himself. Days since The-Boy-Who-Lived defeated one of the darkest wizards in history. Days since he's even eaten or slept well through at least one night without the constant memories that have been eating him away, both emotionally and mentally.

Draco unrolled his sleeve to cover the dark mark. He's been known to be a coward, but to actually have gone this far alive... couldn't believe it himself. Eventually he'd have to accept the fact that what happened had happened for a reason. What's done is done and if he wanted to change anything to make things right, now would be the time. Change himself for his future, not to impress mummy or daddy. No more spoiled brat who followed in his father's footsteps. It was about time he lived the life he wanted to. Time to leave and never turn back, not even for his own mother who was better than his father. Too painful to stay and he couldn't bare to stay longer anyways. He was looking forward to the great release he would feel once he were to really breathe and walk away. _But, how? Where do I start?_, he thought right after he'd made his final decision. Packing the essentials right now sounded like a great idea, but where would he go, who would he turn to for help and how would he say his final goodbyes?

Drained with exhaustion, Draco gently plopped himself on his bed, lying on his back. Breathing to regain a steady heart rate, he thought out some plans to start out.

Minutes later, he walked over to a black briefcase he received from his father one Christmas day. He never used it, so he thought he should start putting it to good use. After casting the Undetectable Extension Charm, he began to pack his best clothes, books he found useful to help him along the way and a few memoirs. Well, the memoirs were probably not the best idea, so he'd thought to just take them and cast Incendio on the rest, including the briefcase after settling in.

Draco couldn't really focus on the next step._ Packing's done... now where should I relocate?_ Attempting to sleep through the rest of the night was probably a good idea, but the urge to hurry and move things forward was a greater ambition at the moment. _Been up since 12 AM... It's 4 already? _His goal was to leave before anyone in the household would awaken.

_Goodbye, mum..._ seemed like a short way of saying his final farewell. Maybe a howler to his father blaming him for his faults by Owl? No, it was a goodbye to both his parents, not only his father. Have someone else in on the plan and have them pass the word onto the remaining Malfoys in the manor? Couldn't think of who to turn to. _Letter!_ Ah, he'd figure it would be the best idea, plus, he'd have enough to write something "heartfelt".

By 5 AM he had completed a short letter and remembered that he had enough Galleons in Gringotts to take out and venture. He had no idea where he would be staying until he could find a decent place to live. Staying in and out of hotels was an option, but it might have been easier to try to ask a friend — former classmate, if he could stay over for a few nights. Goyle's parents would probably go straight to the Malfoys to inform them of Draco's residence.

It was time. Packed up and ready to go, Draco quietly flew down the flight of stairs and walked into the kitchen. Leaving the letter at the door of his parent's room was risky since Lucius was a light sleeper. He sighed taking the letter out of the left pocket of his black slacks, holding it tightly against his side while he went over the final plans in his mind. Opening the letter, he looked down and placed it on the oak table. The table where he'd last sit down with his family for the last time. The table where Voldemort killed Charity Burbage right before his eyes. Second death next to Dumbledore he has ever witnessed. Fighting back the tears from that pensive moment, he pursed his lips and with that, headed to the front entrance of the manor.

"Goodbye to this wretched hell hole. There's no point of returning here ever again." and with that, Draco turned and left.

**~ Noon that same day ~**

_This seems like the fifth time I've circled around this neighborhood. Am I in the right place?_ By this time, Draco could've sworn he'd lost his way. He knew where to go to and had the written address in front of him on a torn piece of parchment. Soon enough, he started to get irritated until he looked up and saw the numbers that matched the address he was looking for. _This must be it... how do I address her?_

**~ Back at the Malfoy Manor ~**

Narcissa awoke before Lucius had and sat on her bed with a worried look on her face. She sensed something wrong after a nightmare that startled her. She couldn't see the face of the person in her dream, but remembered the sense of loss she felt when the person walked away through a blinding light. Could it have been another death? The war was over, but ever since, she's been tormented with such dreams.

Slowly slipping out of bed, Narcissa's movement caused Lucius to jolt. Now that they were both awake, Narcissa told Lucius about the repetitive dream she had again. "Narcissa, it's probably of no importance. Don't take it seriously. You're just traumatized over the near-loss we had with Draco. He's here, probably awake by now. Don't worry." Lucius's failed attempted to calming them both down had pushed Narcissa out of the room and he followed. "It's just... it's just that it feels real. It HAS to mean something. I'm not going crazy, maybe it's my conscience foreshadowing the fact that I'm going to lose someone important. I just don't know who...", Narcissa whispered with panic in her voice. Lucius faced Narcissa, grabbing her by her shoulders and looked at her until he was sure she calmed down, then led her down to the living room.

Narcissa entered the kitchen thinking about what to cook while Lucius washed himself up in the bathroom. It took her a while to notice parchment on the table. Walking towards it, she noticed the hand writing at one. _Could Draco have gone out for a while?_ She took the letter and carefully read through it and then...

"LUCIUS! LUCIUS, COME HERE QUICK!" Startled, Lucius quickly walked beside Narcissa noticing her fearful expression. He tried to ask what was the matter, but Narcissa wouldn't budge. With impatience, he snatched the letter away and read for himself.

_Mother, Father... _

_Before you read this, I want you to take my point of view on all of this into consideration. I expect that you will find this quite an unpleasant letter, but just keep in mind that I am old enough to make my own decisions and old enough to mold my own future._

_The situation I was put in during the past two years was as hard as it was for me as it was for you. It has obviously affected our family for the worst and I blame you, father, for being involved with such things in the first place. You have no idea how much my involvement as a Death Eater has crushed mother and the outcome has done nothing but kill innocent people who also had families of their own. _

_You have no idea how many things I want to say about how I see you now, but for the sake of it all, I'll only say this: Father, you are a disgrace. I hope you've learned something out of this experience because I sure have. I've learned too much. Enough for me to wake up and leave this place, leave your sight and leave the memories of such chaos along with it. I'm leaving in order to change the person you've influenced me to become. Can't hold it in anymore. Dumbledore was right to believe that I'm not a bad person. He saw me for who I could be, he didn't see you through my eyes, so I'll end this note with my final farewell. _

_We may meet again somewhere in the future and I can only hope you've changed your ways as well by that time. I admit I'm not looking forward to it, but I have no control over that, only control over myself._

_Don't come looking for me,_

_Draco_

**~ Meanwhile with Draco ~**

Draco walked up the short flight of stairs, hesitating whether he should knock or walk away. _No, I've made it this far. It's worth a try._ Holding his breath, Draco knocked on the huge wooden door. After a few seconds he lifted his right hand to try again until he heard a lock switch open and the door creak by just a few inches. The brown eye of a person in the dark peeked out at Draco. All of a sudden, the door flew open to reveal a person he couldn't identify. His breath was taken as he eyed the brunette beauty.

"Er, good afternoon, is this the Greengrass residence? I'm looking for Daphne..."

The brunette's head tilted slightly as she carefully made eye contact with him. "Yes, you've found the right house. She's busy right now though. Would you like me to inform her about something?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware. No, I think I'll just leave instead. Don't mention any of this to her please. Thank you, anyways." He turned and made his way towards the road.

"Wait! You're... Draco, right? Draco Malfoy?" She asked with confusion in her tone.

Draco, surprised, turned back to face the brunette. "Yes, I am. How did you —"

"I've seen you around the Slytherin common room. Oh, I'm Astoria, Daphne's sister. " She held her arm out towards Draco. Relieved, Draco shook Astoria's hand. An awkward silence followed after their handshake.

"Well, I best be on my way, Astoria. Have a good day." Astoria quickly grabbed Draco gently by the shoulder causing him to look back. "Hey, why don't you join me for lunch while we wait for Daphne? She should be out of the shower in a few minutes."

Draco stared right into Astoria's eyes. In them, he sensed a warmth he's never seen before. It felt right, he felt calm and safe. Was this the start of his new life? "Sure, thank you."

A smile spread across both of their faces while they entered the house. Draco felt a sudden weight lifted off his shoulders.

He had done it.


End file.
